Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
