god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
