You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
