Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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