I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
