Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
