I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
