when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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