i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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