Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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