dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
