Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
