is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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