you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
