I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
