listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
