your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
