I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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