I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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