You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Everything about him screamed your future.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they're like a gay fantastic four
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
