I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
