Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
