I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
