Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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