eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
