my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
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