Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
