Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
