I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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