I'm going to jail i love you
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
