idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
