Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
