I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
