we have officially lost it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
