I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
