Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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