Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
