I want to make a zoo with you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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