My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
