Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
