Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
