We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this hospital has no fireball
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
