You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
