It was confusing and full of hummus
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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