something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
