I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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