so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
