i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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