You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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