Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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