Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
