ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The convent might be a nice break from real life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
