I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
