i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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